Tag Archives: silly

Real Talk: To Poo Pourri or not to Poo Pourri

The other day, as I innocently watched television via my friend’s parent’s Xfinity account computer, I was taken aback by some gratuitous poo talk. Granted, the commercial was for a poo-smell-negating product but it was offensive nonetheless. OKAY…have you guys heard of Poo Pourri? If you haven’t, it’s a lovely little spray you use before said pooing occurs, which eliminates that yucky odor that tends to remind us humans that we’re all slowly rotting away from the inside out — some worse than others.  (SPOILER: in the following paragraphs I may hint at the possibility that girls poop.)

poo-pourri girl

I know what you’re thinking right now: Aly, you’ve literally talked about bowel movements in 75% of your posts, what’s so gross about a well-mannered Brit elaborating on her poop processes  First, check it out for yo’self:

 

So, my beef is with the Orbit-esque nature of the ad — the whole concept that a prim and proper British lady with a pearl necklace is the the only qualified female able to talk about “unladylike” stuff like pooping because the overwhelming nature of her refinement neutralizes the words “tenacious skid marks” when they flow out of her mouth. And sure, it’s not like I wanna live my life obsessed with the literal act of shitting:

Exaggerated enactment of what life would look like if I only talked about my digestive mood:

“Hey, Aly, how’s it going?”

“Well, judging by the box of pizza I’m still pretending I didn’t eat last night, today’s going to be loose and uncomfortable. But enough about my bowels, how are you doing, Bob?”

No one wants this– not Bob and not me.

The ad just makes me think of a room full of advertising executives throwing out ideas and one of them yells out, after watching remembering how cool the “put a bird on it” episode of Portlandia was: “Hey, let’s put a British accent on it! That’ll make it watchable!” And thus, poop was classed up a bit. Made more ladylike and acceptable for those men still uncomfortable with the idea of a women sitting a toilet, emptying her tiny, fragile, lady bowels.

And then I come to find out that Bethany Woodruff, the poo actress, is actually Scottish. Alas, the British nature of this ad is totally purposeful and a lot creepier. Should we blame Mary Poppins? Is it our fault?

There’s a larger problem at work here — the problem of society not accepting women for anything besides being female and all that the term implies. Femininity is obviously not synonymous with taking a shit but if we put a pretty, proper girl in a nice dress, throw on some pearls, and plop her on top of a toilet, voila! It is now acceptable for her to talk about her bowel movements.

Take her out of that scenario, things get weird again:

Clearly, this guy is a little uncomfortable with the topic at hand. It’s like he’s not sure if it’s okay to ask the agreed upon questions for the interview.

Interviewer: What was the hardest line for you to keep a straight face?

“I think tenacious skid mark… not often do you hear a female say my skid marks are tenacious..know what I mean?”

“I’ll take your word for it because I don’t know how tenacious they are…”

Awkward laughter ensues until the camera goes to a female newscaster who says:

“Just for the record, I don’t do that.”

So yeah, girls talking about poop is still awkward. Even if she kind of sounds like the Queen. We’ve come a long way.

 In all honesty, I’ll probably try this product because why not? And if we could take the stink aspect out of poop, maybe us girls would feel more inclined to join the conversation. 

Would you Poo Pourri? Does one of your coworkers need to Poo Pourri? Potty humor welcome. 

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Share Your World – 2014 Week 17

shareyourworld

Howdy fraaannnnnds! I decided to jump on to the Share Your World train because I sense the need for you all to get to know me on a more intimate level. And also because I love talking about myself. Weird, right? Thanks to Cee for some great questions!

What are some words that just make you smile?

The phrase “wicked frigan pissah” because Jimmy Fallon, and also ’cause it reminds me of my mom. My mom would describe most of the accomplishments in my life as “wicked frigan pissah” and that’s why she is better than your mom.

I need to second Stuphlog’s word choice, “caddywhompus” because if that word doesn’t make you smile then you should reevaluate the the value of silliness in your life. Also, codswallop because I imagine a Cod hitting a baseball in an underwater Cod baseball league. I also love morphing the educational program Rosetta Stone to “Rosetta Stoned” because it evokes a vision of people getting high off of knowledge and that’s cool.

cod

When you lose electricity in a storm, do you light the candles or turn on the flashlight? How many of each do you own?

Thanks for making me super anxious about an impending catastrophe…It’d have to be candles but I definitely don’t have enough! I have one with a cross on it that my student regifted to me from her First Communion and thought I wouldn’t notice. Oddly enough, it made me like her more. Mostly I use the flashlight app on my phone but if the power was out I couldn’t charge it so I think I need to reconsider some life decisions for a moment…

What is the longest book you ever read?

1q841Q84 by Haruki Murakami so yeah, I’m pretty cool. And by cool, I mean I’m a total nerd. And by total nerd I mean I’m a wannabe nerd. We named our dog Tengo after one of the main characters in this book, so yeah, it’s worth a read. Also, this book literally blew my mind. I’m still putting the pieces back together (explains a lot, huh?).

So you win a pet monkey at a fair, but this isn’t just any old monkey. It can do one trick for you whenever you want from getting a pop out of the fridge to washing your hair. What would be the trick?

Ughhh this is so difficult because there are so many tasks I’ve imagined a monkey completing for me! The monkey would absolutely brush my teeth for me every day. It must not wake me up or make me expend any physical energy in the process otherwise it’s not worth it. If brushing the teeth wouldn’t work then it’d have to be running to Wheatsville to get me a vegan, gluten-free peanut butter cup and a dark chocolate sea salt and almond bar whenever I want because Matti’s done this enough by now.

Bonus question:  What are you grateful for from last week, and what are you looking forward to in the week coming up?

I’m thankful for discovering the chiropractor and her miracle massage table that feels like a wave is assaulting your back in the BEST way possible.