Tag Archives: DIY

Okay Pinterest, You Win, Let’s Plan a Wedding

When I was first invited to Pinterest a while back I thought, ‘sweet I’m part of the in crowd!’ and then immediately after looking at dozens of pictures of cute shoes was like, ‘now what the hell do I do?’ Well ya’ll, I’ve finally come to see why Pinterest and Facebook would be so integral to my female life: I’m engaged bitches! He liked it, so he put a ring on it. (I’ve been waiting so long to say that to you.)

In all seriousness, Matti and I have pretty much been engaged since I was stumbling around Picadilly Circus in London wondering how I got separated from my roommates. These roommates were quick to point this out to me yesterday (we group text because that’s hip):

“I still count the first time with us in London though.”

“Yay totally right before she got lost in Picadilly Circus.”

Thanks for the memories, guys. But after that “engagement” I wore a 2 dollar metal ring on my ring finger until the blue stain on my skin was thicker than the ring itself. Now I got myself a real life adult diamond ring. I cannot help the feeling that I should be dancing in a Beyoncé video — B, holla at a girl. I at least now understand why everyone’s always writing songs about diamonds.

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I’ve seen a lot of people that put out these elaborate engagement announcement cards which I think is fine if you’re really into making cards but I am not. Writing a thank you card, in my eyes, is equitable to running on a treadmill for an hour straight. (Don’t get me wrong I’m super athletic I just don’t like to ever prove it to myself or anyone else.) This is why Facebook is the best. All I had to do was snap a photo of my hand looking elegantly slender in my new diamond and blue sapphire engagement ring, post it on the FB and blamo, everyone knows I’m engaged! (Not to mention over a hundred people liked it which, let’s face it, I never knew I had that many friends). So thank you Facebook and thank you “Like” button for validating my life choices and making me look like I have a ton of friends! Weddings already rock!

pinterest weddingOn to you, Pinterest. I won’t lie, when I was invited to Pinterest I used it for like, a day and then forgot about it. I had like three pins. I’m not too embarrassed of my neglectful “board” making skills but now I understand the charm of the site. Er meh Gerrd. I just want to have a virtual Pinterest wedding. Can I do that, Pinterest gods?

It’s so unfair because there’s no way I can recreate this scene. Look at all the mismatched chairs — it’s so ironically beautiful, or something. And what is that, moss as the centerpiece place mats? Who thinks of this shit. It’s amazing and I want it all. I’ve never wanted to have a party in an old rustic barn as much as I do now. Just like Footloose. Thanks a lot, Pinterest.

This social media craziness is perfect for me too because I live in Austin but everyone I know and love is basically somewhere else with the exception of like five people. Massachusetts, New York, LA, Austin; all my peoples are spread out. How does one deal with this? Someone give me advice. Okay, I have to go now guys, I’m super busy, I have a wedding to plan. More self-indulgent wedding related posts to come, I’m sure.

How do you use Pinterest? Are you a fan? Do you know a cheap wedding photographer? What about good wedding venues? Do they have wedding groupons? Help me.

Dpchallenge

DIYing for the Motivationally Challenged (CAUTION: DO NOT READ IF YOU THINK GIRLS DON’T POOP OR ACTUALLY, KEEP READING THERE IS NOTHING ABOUT POOP IN HERE)

After spending the majority of Wednesday night watching Matti sleep as I wrote down tiny sentences in my tiny owl notepad meant to be ideas to elaborate on later, I decided I needed to be more proactive. So I got up, found some sleepy medicine* and wrote a to do list in my tiny notepad–if you’re trying to imagine said notepad, think second grade party favor.

Among the ten things on my list, the first two were: Make coffee and take Tengo out. So, I felt good about how the next morning would start. The next thing on my list was to buy organizational stuff for my workspace, which, I wrote down as a way to trick myself into thinking it was okay to go shopping at Home Goods because it was a means of organizing my life. It worked.

One thing I have learned about myself recently is that although I’m a self-starter, I tend to do much better if I have someone behind me telling me how great I am and how amazing I’m doing at all times. In most instances, Tengo fills this role–his encouragement comes in the form of endless licks and that’s okay with me. But Tengo, being a dog, does not know much about home improvement or the next thing on my list.

The next thing on my list was to hand in my samples to the lab at the hospital. I’m going to TRY to be very delicate here but if you know me that does not happen often so let’s just be adults. I did in fact have to do some take home tests, or as I like to call it, the do-it-yourself-poop-kit. I was the lucky new recipient of a bunch of empty containers I would have to somehow defecate into.

The lady behind the counter handing me the poop containers: “Be careful with the two skinny bottles. They have toxic chemicals that could kill you if you touch or ingest. So, here’s some gloves.” Thanks lab lady, because defecating into tiny containers isn’t anxiety producing enough!

So, I walked in confidently to return my tests, wanting to yell to the lab technicians, “Look what I did! All by myself! I have a bunch of containers full of poop, dammit! Can I get a hand or something?” And I guess I was focused too much on the possibility of killing myself with these toxic crap chemicals that I failed to do every other poop test correctly. To be fair, the man was extremely apologetic that I had to do my poop tests all over again.

“And is it really safe to refrigerate my poop with like, food and stuff in there?”

He didn’t respond.

After finding out my DIY poop kit was a complete failure I was double determined to find the coolest, most vintagey, organizational gear I could get. Because once you are organized, you are successful–says everyone. I of course got sidetracked at Goodwill, because for some fucked up reason, Goodwill is now a hip store to shop at where you can find super fab one-of-a-kind pieces of art that you don’t and never will need. Such as these gems:

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We now have four different decorative pieces custom made in Hong Kong in our apartment that play songs like “Up the Lazy River” at random, inexplicable times.

But I did finally get to Home Goods and I did spend way too much money trying to make myself feel successful. And it definitely worked for the ten minutes it took to get home. But now, of course, like most failed DIY projects I choose to try, I am mid project, and all the DIYing did was place another thing on my to do list before writing. So this is what I am left with:

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And what it all really comes down to is me blaming it all on Pinterest because Pinterest can turn the most unimaginative clown into a self-prescribed DIY expert. (Like this lady who might not be an unimaginative clown but who definitely NAILED IT).

Please feel free to share your DIY fails so I don’t feel like too much of an asshat.

*you know what kind of medicine I’m talking about