Tag Archives: Amy Poehler

Saying it Out Loud and Meaning it

Following your dreams is super sticky, tricky stuff. In one moment, you’re Julie Andrews prancing around the house like it’s your first time without a girdle and the next second you’re curled up in the fetal position on the bathroom floor, shaking like a newborn deer, crying into a dirty towel you’ve been using as a bath mat. It’s emotional stuff.

julia andrews

This is what following your dreams looks like…

You know what the hardest part is sometimes? Saying it out loud. Admitting that you’re pathetic enough to dream. You have a childhood dream that you still strive to achieve!?! Off with your head, stupid, naive one! How dare you believe life should be filled to the brim with meaning and intent! Become a receptionist! Go into childcare — you’re a woman, you’d be super good at it! Well yeah, I am super good at it. But I’m also super good at eating an entire box of almond milk ice cream bars and blowing bubbles off my tongue so what are you trying to say?

The first step is saying it out loud and meaning it and not caring about that time Amy Poehler joked in an interview about there being no more room for funny writers in Hollywood. So yeah, that’s what I’m gonna do.

Fabrice Tourre

Shoulda given him to Nascar…

Your dream also can’t be getting filthy stinkin’ rich the quickest way possible because that’s a cop out and it’s a destination not an action. Being able to pay your bills, sure that’s a dream. Buying your mom a house to repay her for her love and support, of course that’s a dream. But allowing “getting rich” to be a dream is only allowing people like Fabrice Tourre to exist. Fabrice Tourre — you can call him “Fabulous Fab” — didn’t dream of making millions of dollars by selling bogus mortgage bonds to, in his words, “widows and orphans that [he] ran into at the airport.” Do you think this little sleezeball was using his Monopoly money at age six to trick people into buying shit? No, he was driving toy cars around his mother’s couch. Fabrice and guys like him were risk takers as little boys but instead of telling them to follow their dreams as Nascar drivers or Hollywood stunt men we allowed them to play risk with our money. And then we got mad when they lost it all.

So dreams will save us in the end…. Dreams help us not be douche bags in that they’re meaningful goals. Kanye and Jay-Z may sing about all the cash money they’re making but you know what? They’re living out their frigan dreams, man. (And if you’ve seen the Keeping up with the Kardashians scene with Kim and Kanye organizing her closet, you know he’s an actual human being and not just a bloated head with metal chains hanging down.

dream spongebobPeople are more genuine and honest following their dreams. They may be honestly douchey or genuinely a dick but at least it’s transparent — at least they’re not massaging your shoulders as they slowly steal the wallet out yo’ pocket.

Hello, my name is Aly and I have a dream. I dream about writing words and making people laugh. I dream about writing a show that a sixteen-year-old girl and a thirty-year-old guy can both laugh at. I dream of creating the next Abed character and working with Amy Poehler and maybe someday showing her my “Kaitlin” impression because it used to make the kids at work laugh.

And if you still don’t believe me, watch this guy change your mind/life (SO WORTH IT):

What’s your real dream?

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Shhhhh….I’m dreaming

A Plea to my Mom to stop watching Two and a Half Men

I don’t understand how Ashton Kutcher takes over Two and A Half Men like its the obvious next creative step while my Thursday night of NBC comedy perfection gets gutted like a fish. It feels good to be the fan of the “sophisticated” comedy but it doesn’t feel good being in the minority (am I right sisters of the world?).

I already said goodbye to 30 Rock, and have come to accept I will never again watch Tina Fey scream “living dinosaur” at a peacock. And yes, I have cried over this realization.

I even watched the finale of The Office this weekend because I was too weak to watch on Thursday and also because I haven’t had cable since before college. I could say I didn’t cry the entire time but that would be a lie. Don’t get me wrong, half the time I was cackling over the tears, noticing Creed in the crowd at the show’s panel discussion with an Osama beard (Creed always goes a little too far). My point here though is that this show isn’t just funny! It’s poignant and real and awkward and uncomfortable in every great way that makes up the human experience. Sure, we haven’t all had real life Michael Scotts but we can’t all be that lucky– most come with the ignorance and sexism without the redeeming self deprecation and humor.

If Community gets the axe I might lose faith in everything. Who doesn’t want to watch a Lost themed paintball episode?!?!?? Seriously. If I did many impressions I would be Amy Poehler right now shouting “really?!?” In reality I’m better at being Kaitlin–“Riiiick, Riiick, can I have a sip of your soda for sustenance” because I’m good at fake lisps. Which is really awesome when you work with kids.
It looks good for now, with season five being renewed (and I am praying for Dan Harmon’s return) but you never know. Now is when I throw out shows like Arrested Development and Freaks and Geeks and shout “WHHYYYYY” in the distance in pure Marlon-Brando-Streetcar-Named-Desire form.

Parks and Recreation is my saving grace–never quite in trouble of cancellation but still funny smart. Amy Poehler is also who I imagine God to be. I heard an interview with Bill Hader on NPR about his standup audition in front of Lorne Michaels and the SNL cast from the time and he claims the audience felt comfortable with him after Amy Poehler let out a loud cackle. She is God.

Either way, there are few people I can forgive for foregoing the Thursday night lineup. One is my mom whose chief complaint is “that goofy guy talks too fast”–I’ve never been able to figure out who she was talking about. Maybe Abed?

I watch How I Met Your Mother so, I get mainstream comedy. I find the bizarre decision and uncanny believability of Neil Patrick Harris as a womanizing player to be a bit of a lazy move though; there’s only so many times I can listen to–wait for it–legendary. And all I can ever think of when Barney does something offensive is how cute he looks with his partner and kids dressed up as Wizard of Oz. At this point I’m watching for Jason Segal and the eventual Mom reveal like everyone else.

If you really want to watch middle aged men struggle with their mortality and masculinity stop watching Two and a Half Men and turn on Scandal, I promise you’ll be much more entertained. And aren’t there enough shallow men sleeping with random women every night in the real world that we don’t have to supplement it with poor actresses like Miley Cyrus coming out of the sexy closet?

Let’s get less lazy with our television shows. Turn off Two and A Half Men please for the love of Amy Poehler. I promise Ashton Kutcher will still have his shirt off when you return.