We can’t all be Bad Bitches


I just found out that Oxygen has made a Bad Girls Club all star season. Finding this out was like driving and seeing a bunch of police cars up ahead and you know there’s a car accident and you want to look but you’re just a bit too afraid cause it looks REAL ugly. Well, I conquered my fears and watched the first episode. Let me just tell you that when I found out that my frienemy from high school was on this bat shit crazy new season as well I nearly shat. You’re going to have to forgive me for how much I enjoyed watching her, on the season ten reunion show, get drenched in mustard and cranberry juice as she tried to retain her balance in eighteen inch stilettos on what seemed to be an all glass stage. I’m a feminist after all. I don’t enjoy watching my sisters get knocked down. But all I could think of was the pictures she put on facebook of her making out with my ex boyfriend, leaning against the car we used to drive in to Newbury Comics. So, yeah, I had my reasons.

First of all, it’s good to know that there’s a steady supply of songs with the words bad bitch in it because otherwise, we might be forced to hear the girls in the house actually try to talk to each other like human beings. But no! Why show meaningful conversations (like maybe when Rocky’s dad died) when you can show montages of the girls dancing on stripper poles and smoking cigarrettes with “WE BAD BITCHES” playing in the background. They really are bad bitches after all, because the meaning of being a bad bitch is going to a house with a bunch of girls and seeing who can yell the loudest while keeping her weave intact. SOOO many weaves, so little time.

weave

One of my favorite parts though was when Ray-J walked in as the host and JUUUUDDDIIII started bawling her eyes out as if Obama had just walked though the door to kiss her baby.

I like the idea of the showing having physical challenges in Wipeout tradition because that is just classic humor. Especially when Erika fakes a knee injury but still manages to drag Rocky down with her, literally–by her hair.

erika

I didn’t end up finishing the episode and you shouldn’t either. As far as I know the Bad Girls enterprise hasn’t made any solid efforts to put anything they are doing to benefit actual women that need help–besides bringing “bad bitches” to a mansion to be bad together. Almost like the Real Housewives except these girls can’t pay people to take care of their kids or clean up after them. Wouldn’t it be easy for them to work with some girls at risk program or something? I say this as I realize my frienemy in the show was raised in Wakefield, Massachusetts where bad girls go to die and the only girls at risk are the ones that won’t leave their parent’s basement so I guess I have no suggestions after all. Here’s to hoping they air a show on Current Tv about normal girls making responsible decisions and being kind to each other in a really boring, unsensational way!

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