A Plea to my Mom to stop watching Two and a Half Men

I don’t understand how Ashton Kutcher takes over Two and A Half Men like its the obvious next creative step while my Thursday night of NBC comedy perfection gets gutted like a fish. It feels good to be the fan of the “sophisticated” comedy but it doesn’t feel good being in the minority (am I right sisters of the world?).

I already said goodbye to 30 Rock, and have come to accept I will never again watch Tina Fey scream “living dinosaur” at a peacock. And yes, I have cried over this realization.

I even watched the finale of The Office this weekend because I was too weak to watch on Thursday and also because I haven’t had cable since before college. I could say I didn’t cry the entire time but that would be a lie. Don’t get me wrong, half the time I was cackling over the tears, noticing Creed in the crowd at the show’s panel discussion with an Osama beard (Creed always goes a little too far). My point here though is that this show isn’t just funny! It’s poignant and real and awkward and uncomfortable in every great way that makes up the human experience. Sure, we haven’t all had real life Michael Scotts but we can’t all be that lucky– most come with the ignorance and sexism without the redeeming self deprecation and humor.

If Community gets the axe I might lose faith in everything. Who doesn’t want to watch a Lost themed paintball episode?!?!?? Seriously. If I did many impressions I would be Amy Poehler right now shouting “really?!?” In reality I’m better at being Kaitlin–“Riiiick, Riiick, can I have a sip of your soda for sustenance” because I’m good at fake lisps. Which is really awesome when you work with kids.
It looks good for now, with season five being renewed (and I am praying for Dan Harmon’s return) but you never know. Now is when I throw out shows like Arrested Development and Freaks and Geeks and shout “WHHYYYYY” in the distance in pure Marlon-Brando-Streetcar-Named-Desire form.

Parks and Recreation is my saving grace–never quite in trouble of cancellation but still funny smart. Amy Poehler is also who I imagine God to be. I heard an interview with Bill Hader on NPR about his standup audition in front of Lorne Michaels and the SNL cast from the time and he claims the audience felt comfortable with him after Amy Poehler let out a loud cackle. She is God.

Either way, there are few people I can forgive for foregoing the Thursday night lineup. One is my mom whose chief complaint is “that goofy guy talks too fast”–I’ve never been able to figure out who she was talking about. Maybe Abed?

I watch How I Met Your Mother so, I get mainstream comedy. I find the bizarre decision and uncanny believability of Neil Patrick Harris as a womanizing player to be a bit of a lazy move though; there’s only so many times I can listen to–wait for it–legendary. And all I can ever think of when Barney does something offensive is how cute he looks with his partner and kids dressed up as Wizard of Oz. At this point I’m watching for Jason Segal and the eventual Mom reveal like everyone else.

If you really want to watch middle aged men struggle with their mortality and masculinity stop watching Two and a Half Men and turn on Scandal, I promise you’ll be much more entertained. And aren’t there enough shallow men sleeping with random women every night in the real world that we don’t have to supplement it with poor actresses like Miley Cyrus coming out of the sexy closet?

Let’s get less lazy with our television shows. Turn off Two and A Half Men please for the love of Amy Poehler. I promise Ashton Kutcher will still have his shirt off when you return.

One response to “A Plea to my Mom to stop watching Two and a Half Men

  1. Wait? People still watch Two and a Half Men? LONG LIVE RON SWANSON!!

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